For a number of reasons, I have been unable to sleep properly for a couple of months and bit by bit, it's caught up with me. Where I used to have tons of energy to do things and write things, I've pretty much become a semi-recluse whose actions resemble a hibernating sloth. The frustrating fact is, the medication that has kept my brain in check for around 15 years just isn't cutting it anymore. I have no idea why. Maybe it's bored and wants something new. Maybe it's trying to keep my life interesting by giving me "fun" surprises like memory loss, sudden intense needs to be asleep wherever I am, and the general feeling of being unable to do anything normal. Personally, I think it's being a bit of a knob. It's meant that I've been pretty much existing for work and spending the rest of the time recovering. Not exactly ideal, I'm sure you'll agree.
Today, I'm forcing myself to rebel against it as I feel I owe it to myself and to everyone I've been generally unreliable to in the past couple of months. Trust me when I say every part of me has wanted to come out and have fun, to take weekly trips into town with my family and to generally be me. My brain has had other ideas.
At the end of the month I'm going to have the offending organ scanned. Not the usual waking scan where you get lights flashed at you while you do strange breathing exercises. This time, I'll be put into a drug induced sleep to be "more thoroughly tested". I won't lie; the prospect scares me a little. The idea of a sleep where they try to induce a seizure-like reaction is pretty horrible to me. But as strange as it sounds, I want to do it because I want the doctors to find something. If you find something, at least you know what you're up against. Up until now I've been playing medication roulette on the off chance a tablet or five will do the trick. Tablet roulette gets very old, very quickly. I'd much rather have a plan of action based on something that hasn't been recorded as inconclusive.
What's the point of all this? Can I promise that normal programming will return? Not really, but I promise I'll try my best and I'll let you know what it's like to fall asleep with a head covered in Vaseline and wiring (kinky?). That'll at least be a story to tell.
And just to prove I haven't been doing absolutely nothing for this blog, I'll finish on a picture that features in a Geek post (draft of course) about an amusing app I found. I like to call this picture Sin City Kawaii.