Friday, 6 March 2015

Geek - Would I Survive a Zombie Apocalypse?

  You may be familiar with this pie chart.  This is a humorous take on how much thought the average person has put into surviving an apocalyptic event.  I personally think, it's now totally normal to have a full on survival plan if a zombie apocalypse happens.  Isn't it? I know R and I have.

  Zombie apocalypses have been likened to what may happen if rabies ran rampant in a population.  Zombie apocalypse theories are now so popular and mainstream that the Centre for Disease Control (CDC) in America has a publicly viewable suite of information on how to prepare and respond to the undead.  It's a fantastic site. It's a very smart way to teach people important skills in a way that's likely to make people actually bother to read it.

  With this thought in mind, I have been wondering how long I may last if George A. Romero's chums ever descend upon us.  Where better to turn to than The Walking Dead's official Survivor test.  Linky here.  I was fairly pleased to see that while I'm not likely to die, I'm also not a Rick type.  But the questions were rather restrictive, so I thought it'd be fun to write my actual answers if I was really in that situation.

1. The government has ordered a mandatory evacuation in the wake of a major outbreak of a mysterious disease sweeping the area.  What do you do?
  It would of course, largely depend where I was.  Let's assume I'm at home, watching tv with the family.  I'd have to say I would largely be very boring.  I would follow the instructions.  The bonus is, I live in a fairly open place, not a crammed major city.  So in this instance, I'd probably have a good chance of surviving long enough to reach the people performing the evacuation safely.  Handily, these people would most likely be the armed forces.

2. You enter an abandoned town and decide to stay the night.  Where do you sleep?

  Another assumption I'll have to make is that something went wrong with my armed protection.  I am going to presume they died heroically to allow me to live and preferably donated me some sort of semi automatic weaponry.  Now, I've seen enough zombie movies to know that you don't go to a mall, or anywhere high.  As Sean of the Dead it sounds, I'd be heading for a pub.  They hold food supplies, liquid supplies, are sturdy buildings and have the bonus of beer cellars.  You can shut yourself in if you need to and there's a sneaky way back out of the pub if you need it.

3. A zombielike walker is attacking someone whom you don't get along with.  You...?

  Gut reaction: sod them.  I know however, that I'm too nice for that.  I would do what I could in the situation.  If it was one or two I'd try my chances with my lovely semi auto-matic, or go Walking Dead with something sharp.  This person would then -owe me-.  Just because they're alive, wouldn't make me forget that I don't like them.  They'd owe me a lot.

4. Your best friend shows up with a flesh wound.  What do you do?

  Zombie bite victims take a while to turn, so I've got long enough to figure out what's wrong with them.  If they're not hiding it and they say a zombie didn't do it.  Chances are a zombie didn't do it, so I'd dress it as best I could.  If they were trying to hide it, it probably was a zombie.  So I'd dress it and make them comfortable in a room that's lockable behind me if I need to leave.

5. A fellow survivor threatens to kill you if you don't hand over that last can of beans.  What do you do?

  Hand over the can of beans.  I'm not stupid!

6. You encounter a cagey survivor who claims he has food and supplies at his camp.  What do you do?

  I absolutely do not go to his camp.  At all.  He can keep his supplies because you just don't know what else is in that camp.  After all, I'm trying to survive, not make exciting tv show viewing!

7. Walkers have attacked, and everyone else is dead.  How do you react?

  I would make a noise rather like Kirk did once.  Mine wouldn't be Khaaan!  But it'd be similar.  Maybe it would be Khaaan!  If I'm still alive, after my noise, I would obviously get the hell away.  Then I'd probably cry a lot.  After that, I'd find a map and get myself to the Secret Nuclear Bunker that's about 30 miles from my house.  If I'm going to be an apocalyptic survivor, then dammit, I'm going to have my own secret nuclear bunker.

Or of course, I could end up like this...

...Pretty zombie lady, I think you'd agree!

So what do you think?  What's your zombie survival plan?

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